Leadership From Within

I don’t know about your understanding of leadership, but mine used to be quite narrow: Leadership is about leading other people in a (more or less) professional setting. Ok, maybe I lead my animals, too. But I never got to which degree it actually penetrates my whole life, all the way down to how I lead even myself every single day.

Of course it depends on the definition of leadership. Generally we tend to define it in a way that doesn’t necessarily include these opportunities. But – hasn’t that been part of the problem? Defining leadership as something exclusive that concerns only a few of us? Most of us handing over the power without many questions asked? Sitting at home hoping for things to turn for the better in at least some areas of our lives?

What if we had a more sober look at what leadership means? This is what I came up with:

Leadership means going first

Who actually said the leader is the one on top, sitting safely in a castle (kind of), ordering about others to do the dirty work for them?

Tell me, what calls you forward more: Someone who goes first – courageously, vulnerably – showing the others it’s possible to expand their world without suffering great harm. Or someone hiding out and letting others do the risky work?

If we have a look at the horse’s world, the answer is immediately clear. While an aggressive leader may bully a herd into following them for a while, it’s always the peaceful, poised types who end up with a big family.

Also – how many great things happened because someone got inspired? And from there, things grew, and new formerly impossible things suddenly got created.

Leadership means being  clear & compassionate

Humans (anything with a brain, really) highly value clarity – to a degree where we actually prefer an aggressive, but clear type over someone kind who changes their mind more often than their underwear.  

It’s a thin line to walk when you want to encompass both – and many, many people think it’s an either or. But just imagine someone has done the work to bring both: The crystal clear conversation AND the compassion to listen and understand what’s going on on the other side.

What if we knew we could have the tough conversations? What if we knew we were safe and held AND the really relevant stuff would be brought to the table? What became possible from here?

Leadership means to take a stand

We are not the most consistent kind. Rather, we are a bunch of strategies that proved themselves successful in the past, random decisions based on feelings and whatever bullshit we momentarily make up in our mind (and yes, this goes for the smartest amongst us, too! Sometimes especially them. I know what I’m talking about.)

If we want something to happen that’s not quite inside of what’s familiar and reliable, we need someone gently supporting us. Someone who reflects what they can see going on – without muddling it up with their own stuff. Someone we can rely on if we get caught up in our stuff, once again. Reliably, honestly standing for what we really want. Reminding us of the power we actually have within ourselves.

Can you see how all of these start within yourself? How you can learn to lead yourself, and then expand on supporting others from this point in a very seamless manner?

Can you see how it’s actually a lot more about authentic realness, and a ton less about those games of power and pretending we tend to confuse leadership with?

Can you see how leadership actually is for everyone and how we can make the world a better place if we all do it?

Almost two months ago, I became disgusted by my own writing – once again. In hindsight I realise I got lost in all the beautiful voices around me – and forgot about my own. A thing which is all too common amongst sensitive, empathic people.

We are like a giant receiver of others’ voices… Soaking them up, making them our (almost) own. And generally, this is an utterly successful strategy in life. I mean – how handy to be able to pick up the energy of a room, the core idea of a concept, someone’s enticing solution to a tricky problem. Like me being known for my ability to pass a test – just due to that incredible feel for what truly matters – to others.

So, in my life, letting myself be penetrated by the wisdom around me has paid off big time.

However, it comes at a cost: There is no space left for my truth to be expressed. All of my focus goes into picking up on the energies around. Honestly, for the longest time, I didn’t even notice how the thing that’s “me” becomes fainter and fainter. It’s strongest after a break, but inexorably, I morph back into the perfect copycat. And all I would get was a very vague feeling of something being off.

It’s everything but obvious or straightforward. I believe in the beauty and wisdom around me. It’s super inspiring, gives me elevation and deep insight. It changes my life. And it got more intense over the years: The more people I find whose stuff I deeply adore, the more it gets all mixed up within myself. I make the gifts around me my own – almost. I become a medley of voices that aren’t really me. And it’s so wonderful I become oblivious to who I am.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to get inspired by others. In fact I think we always, to some degree, soak up what’s around us and create our own thing from what’s been here before. Rather, it’s about the fine line between automatically kicking into hustle mode. Or pausing, and listening, and getting curious about your own – BEFORE you run and do art that’s not really yours.

You can do that one, too. This is meant for you who has their own intuition whispering about something lying dormant, yet desiring to be heard – and you feel you keep falling off.

So, Anna, what about the “how do I fix this?” Well, there is absolutely nothing to fix, which has been the point all along. Your voice has been here all the time, waiting for you to just let go and listen. What if we took a stand for ourselves in that we were okay where we are at? The listening would be so much easier. Because it’s not becoming about someone else, someone better, fancier, smarter. It’s simply expressing more and more of who you already are.

#1 Creativity includes you, too. Everyone is a creator. Creation, as I see it, is everyone. It’s art, and it’s play. Wordplay, music, colours. Even brainstorming at work, having conversations and coming up with solutions. We tend to forget it’s part of who we are as humans. We forget we’re hardwired to play, create and make art. The good news? All you need to do is remember who you are.

#2 Creation happens in the moment & the idea follows. What speaks out of you right now? What is true for you? What is there to share, authentically? The most important bit I learned about creation: It’s always available. It doesn’t always make the same amount of sense, but there is always something to write. Just blacken the page first, and see what comes up, second. (Or colour. Or sing out loud…)

#3 It’s not about how you feel. It’s not about whether you think what wants to come out is “good enough”. Not about if it fits into your manifold criteria. No. It’s about them. Them, over there. If only one person benefits from what you do, then you served one person – and that’s enough. And yep, this person can also be you, yourself, anytime. <3

#4 Writer’s block isn’t a real block. It’s the perfectionist in you. And if you’re anything like me, you’re completely BLIND to the perfectionist. Because you’re brilliant and you know there’s no such thing as perfect. But tune in and listen to all the criteria swimming around in the background. Is this going to help person X? I don’t want to do it in the style of Y. It needs to be a unique, new piece of wisdom. What will my coach/mother/friend think? Yup, allll of this is perfectionism and it’s going to keep you from creating.

#5 Creation is self-care. Self-care isn’t always comfortable, but it’s catering to what we need, and I say: We all need to create. It’s an desire to express, to leave a legacy, to show up. We’ve got a lot of stuff that battles against it, too. Conventions, education, opinions. If we manage to shed all of these, what’s left is going to be magic – for us, for everyone.

#6 Routine fosters creativity. Yes, yours, too, even if you hate routines, no especially if you hate routines! Routines create freedom and space, because you don’t have “There’s this item on my to do list” on the back of your mind. All there is to do in this moment is to get going and play with your own mind – freely.

#7 Quantity wins over quality. The more you do, the better you get. Full stop. We need to DO stuff to get better at it because we’re humans. Brought to you by someone much too smart for their own good. I tried to FIGURE stuff for years and… It. Doesn’t. Work. And once you set out to do, you get all this new information your brain just couldn’t know before. AND it’s never too late, because the smart ass you are, you don’t need a ton of quantity. Mainly just let go of the quality idea, the rest will work itself out.

#8 We need play to thrive, and the more play we have in our lives, the more we thrive and do our best work. (I DID notice I repeated myself. Important points can’t be stressed enough). They are mandatory prerequisites to reach our ever-so-elusive potential. We need to be okay to step over, mess up and start over. We need to allow creativity to have its way to contribute with our full being. And for that, we need to let go and play, first.

#9 Live with fear and do it anyway. No good news here: There is ALWAYS going to be this deep caveman fear of sticking out a tad bit too much and everyone is going to hate us, leave us alone in the wild to die. However, we can learn to accept the fear and do it anyway. You can start with small things and small fears and grow stuff over time. A word of encouragement: I used to be hugely afraid and with support and love, I learned it. And when I can do it, you can do it, too. I really believe that <3

#10 Do it now. Go on. To a tiny thing today. We are hardwired to procrastinate when it comes to something fearful and edgy. We always prefer to do the things we know, even if they’re shitty and boring (speaking “comfort” zone). F*ck the list of things you need to fulfil in order to be good enough and just do one random, tiny thing. Playfully. Let it NOT matter, let it free to come out as it wants to come out, but let it grow and come into existence. Believe me, you serve the world.

(and how I wasted all my money trying…)

Ah, I think this one sounds so cliché and the same time, almost no one really gets it. I think it’s because we overlook the tricky part of creation in it and jump straight to desire.

You know, you can go like: “Yeah, I want to quit working, spend my days on the beaches of this world and own a Tesla, a penthouse [arbitrarily continue list] … but this isn’t possible anyway, because X.”

Now, I don’t want to tell you that’s not true and all you need to do is having to believe in it enough. Rather I invite you to

a) check in with your desires and whether you really 200% do want to set out and create what it takes to fulfil them.

b) Whilst also enjoying the creation!

c) Whether this includes potentially doing things you can’t imagine doing ever right now, because you’re too scared, or they’re “just not you” etc. and doing them anyway.

A very personal bit of my own story there: One of “my things” used to be “make a living from coaching”. I’d inherited some money, which gave me ample enough space to create this, and I really, really, really, so very much wanted this. Or so I thought! What I ended up with was a slowly dwindling pile of money, me totally panicking about this over a long, long time, thus fretting over each single one of my moves. On top feeling lonely and desperate. Nope, not imagined to end up like this, for sure.

While I might had point a) fulfilled, I was far from b) and c). And oh, it’s so much easier to dream about things you desire than to go out and do the necessary work every single day AND enjoy the process of doing what it takes.

I have now ended up with a part-time engineering job. Mind, this doesn’t mean I gave up any of my dreams as a coach. I’m actually much closer to them, because I not only take so much from a different inner approach towards having a day job, but also the pressure is gone and I’m free to play the coaching game. Step by step.

What I want you to take away from this:

1) It’s fucking difficult!!! We only ever hear from those it’s been easy for, the lucky ones. Or they might say “Yeah I fought lots and it took me years” in a side note, and we don’t HEAR it.

2) BUT ALSO: It’s fucking possible!!! Of course, you can play for luck. But why not do the solid thing, set out and do the work instead? Let me know what keeps you from doing it <3

Today I began with my writing exercise, it was boring, and I had an epiphany: Success doesn’t wait behind the big, courageous feats. Success can be really boring, too (if in an unexpected way).

It isn’t just writing for me, but it’s my present endeavour to talk to entirely random people, too. Both create a similar experience: At first, there were huge emotions, blocks, self-judgement, fears. Battling those isn’t easy or fun, but it’s entertaining for sure. It was such a huge step I had to conquer. Starting those things at all. Finding the path that works for me. Solving the puzzles. It brought me to my limits and beyond, it took me years.

First, you climb the mountain, and then there are the plains.

No one prepares you for what comes after the huge feat, the climb. I read a lot about how it would be a fight to write every single day. No one warned me that things might become easy – too easy. There is boredom just around the corner. And what do I do at this point? I tend to give up. I feel like I got all the juice out of it. I begin to find it too tiresome, not effective enough. I think there must be better, more efficient ways to play the game than to perform tasks with little to no amazing outcome. Pointless, unfulfilling. I move on.

So, the real quest follows after the tumultous beginning: I need to keep doing the thing even though it’s underwhelming in almost every way: It doesn’t produce cool results. It’s boring. It seems not to make any sense. It feels like a lot of lost love. For me it’s the opposite of the sunk cost bias (which makes me stick to things that really don’t make sense, but I already invested so much). In this case, I must cherish what I already invested and be ready to invest more, even though it doesn’t seem to make any sense in the first place.

I need to fill the page with nonsense, even if it’s too easy. I need to go out and talk to random people, even if it’s too easy. No matter how little comes out of either of them.

Boredom is actually magical.

I’m realising these days that not all the challenges in life are around courage, fire, great deeds. A lot of the magic happens because you stick to the plain, boring stuff. There is a crucial distinction though: While visibly, obviously there might be no difference to the stuff you have to do because someone told you so. But THIS stuff is something you chose. You create the difference in your mind and by conscious choice.

And over time, with patience, you will create a difference, because you become so good at it, that “others can’t ignore you”. This is far away, and yet there is somethin in this right now: It’s the epitome of unattachment. Does it matter I am bored? Does it matter what result I produce?

You never ever know which gems might show up. You never know about the THING that might follow right on the back of your last boring nonsense text, your last short and seemingly superficial conversation. The more opportunity you create, the more boredom you can be with, the more doggedly you stick to what matters most – the more reliable the next cool thing will show up. Promise.