Have you ever considered that you (unconsciously) choose being fast, because it’s just way more rewarding than rest? While you may be aware that you desperately need rest and slowness on some level…In the moment you get gripped by the excitement of getting shit done, and rest goes forgotten – every time.
You’re sick of being always up, always stressed – and yet.
… And yet it’s like you cannot stop. You constantly chase something in the hopes of finding rest, a sense of inner calm… But somehow trying to find it, makes it ever more elusive. Like when you crash after a 50hour work week, cancelling on your friends, resolving to finally switch off your work email after 6pm – and while it brings reprieve for a moment, two wees later you’re in the same spot. Crashing, trying to find a fix that finally works.
You are convinced, if you just found THE fix you’d finally get to live the life you want. And you have been dedicated to that fix! Meditation, bubble baths, time offline, time away … But nothing has ever brought you more than glimpses of this evasive missing piece.
How can it be SO HARD to just slow the fuck down?
What if you just loved being fast too much?
Let’s change perspectives here: Being fast isn’t a bad thing, is it. It’s not just highly useful for yourself. As a society, we revere speed. Fast track a career and you’ll be celebrated. Solve a problem quickly and you will be recognised. Make strong choices on the fly and you’ll be considered for leadership. Speed gives you what you want, literally faster.
Plus, your history: Speed has greatly benefitted you all your life, from growing up to where you are now. And this brings us back to what I said at the beginning: You are so used to speed giving you the good things, that you have a strong preference towards choosing the fast lane, and likely you are unaware as it happens because the habit goes deep.
Let’s check: Do you reply to messages and emails the moment you get them, no matter what you were doing? Do you rest physically, but inwardly already plan your next moves? Do you cram your schedule knowing you’ll get it done? Any of these resonate?
From getting more done to being incredibly capable in what you do – it’s all there at your fingertips. So, thinking from this angle: Why *would* you slow down and lean into rest – aka doing nothing, or doing stuff very slowly? Especially when it doesn’t feel great, like bringing up anxiety when you don’t override it with more action.
Yes, on a higher level you know it’s necessary to rest, and you *know* you need it (at least conceptually), but in the moment what kicks in is always the most automatic, most often rewarded habit.
It’s effortless to choose the speedy thing, because it’s the one you know and do multiple times every day. Like when you feel this physical pull to jump up and clean up your flat – if it’s done today, you’re freed up tomorrow, aren’t you? In comparison, letting the dirty dishes rot, aka the cost and the risk of actively making a different choice are both high. Let’s have a deeper look at this:
You have the wrong expectation of what rest and slowing down are.
When functioning in a system where “more” and “faster” are revered, rest becomes this elusive thing that you don’t know “how to do” and you develop wrong expectations. Like rest and slowing down should feel good – instantly. But they don’t!
They don’t because when you have time, you will have the space to feel the feelings and think the thoughts you would usually push aside. Let’s say you have unprocessed grief. Guess what will hit you if you unplug for long enough?
And then there’s the added layer of literally being unproductive while you rest, which can bring a sense of guilt. You *could* be working after all, so why don’t you?
These are the things you need to sit with if you want to experience slowness and rest. Because how could you truly recharge, if you don’t remove the things that zap you right out of it?
Practice slowness, but slowly
If you want to experience more slowness into your life, you need to make the uncomfortable choice in the moment: You need to be willing to feel the feelings you normally run from, and you need to do so beyond your familiar threshold. Let’s say you tend to jump up and do something as soon as you feel “sufficiently energised”. Practice hanging out for a while longer, accepting this won’t feel the way you want it to right away. And then extend that threshold, slowly. Don’t add other situations at all for a couple of weeks at least. Then, if it feels like a drag, this is a good sign. Yes, it should (literally) be this slow. And yes, it’s possible that it gets you only so far. But here’s the good news! It’s something that becomes easy to solve with someone’s hand on your back. Speaking of which: Read more about getting this exact kind of support here and/or sign up for the newsletter (and get my private podcast series for free!) to understand more deeply how your own brilliant brain can make (some) things harder for you instead of easier.
