overview

click the links below to jump directly to one specific type – or one of the bonus sections:

the underachiever rebel
the oblivious “happy” guy
the high performer exec
the sensitive empath
.

bonus:

1) the “I’m all of them but none of them really” type
2) the nervous system calming practice
3) next steps

the underachiever rebel

You have never gone out on a limb much in life, because it just hasn’t been worth the risk. As an underachiever you have always had plenty reserve “just in case”, and always a reason to tell yourself “well, I could have done more after all, so no wonder this didn’t come out GREAT”. This strategy has made you feel safe in an environment that has felt unpredictable and volatile.

And yet, there has always been your rebel side, seeing beyond the status quo. Seeing what would be possible “if only”. Sensing what you are capable of beyond your (quite deeply entrenched) fears of the world and its reactions. Believing in your calling.

And honestly, it’s been showing up in the stupidest moments sometimes, not letting you do stuff just “because that’s how it’s done”. Your rebel quite likes to speak up with its insane moral compass, its belief in something bigger, and its stubborn search for what matters. So, you have been torn – keeping yourself small enough to hide, at the same time forging your own path here and there as much as possible. Overall you have been an absolute expert at working against yourself and keeping yourself small. And – it has not made you happy, but ironically somewhat unpredictable and volatile. Like the reactions you try to avoid.

Your next steps: Well, I bet you know that there is no way around leaning out and actually follow your inner rebel. HOWEVER!!! I’m sure you have tried and … got burnt. You have hard data that it is unsafe and won’t work.

the oblivious “happy” guy

You have never needed to go out on the fringes of what is possible, because you tended to just get what you wanted. A combination of wit, charm, looks and confidence has helped you with your career, friendships and all sorts of fun stuff.

It’s been superficial though, because “stuff being easy” has had a price tag attached: Even though your life looks like a 10/10 on the outside, it has felt like an 8/10 max. Because you never tried for a 10/10, you never got a 10/10 – probably without you fully realising it. But here’s the thing: You can only reach a 10/10 when you risk a 0/10 failure (devastation and heartbreak, yup), too – which hasn’t been necessary, nor seemed desirable.  

So all you get is random hits when fortune smiles upon you – but it’s been kinda fleeting and you don’t know how to recreate it. That doesn’t keep you from trying, so you go round in circles nonetheless… like go to that party again, or on another surf trip, another one night stand with someone stunningly beautiful – whatever it may be for you. Only to end up (at least) mildly disappointed when it didn’t work out.

It’s that depth of a 10/10 you want so badly. Like an insistent craving you have had for a while now. You want more than the commodities capitalism throws your way. More than what you can have without trying hard. And YET, because you barely practiced “trying hard”, risking a 0/10 experience seems HUGE.

Your next steps: Well. You may have an idea that there’s no way around failing, looking stupid and going for something uncomfortably uncertain to get what you want. But contrary to what you are used to in the rest of your life: This is tender business. You need to go slow and accept that you may not do well when you take real risks.

the high performer exec

You are highly successful in your career, and your success justifies how you spend your life. You have been rewarded by society that highly appreciates quick, logical thinking, great problem solving and high performance.

So in theory, why would you change a thing with your accolades and money and power,  essentially all the desirable things?

Well, something has been missing inside. If you believed in having a soul, you’d say it called for something beyond “reasonable” and “useful”. You have tried though, doing the well-being things from the books like bubble baths and arts classes, even if it’s been kinda hard to see why you should spend time on “nonsense” stuff beyond what, again, seems reasonable and useful.

Here’s the thing: You have essentially exploited those parts of your brain that have served your mission in being a successful, high performing executive (say analytical, rational, logical), but stashed away those that are a bit too unruly and harder to control – yet part of the full human experience. And actually bigger and more insistent in people who are really smart like you.

So no wonder that there’s a deep, innate desire to let that part out, get truly creative and exploratory – not just in that arts class, but as a way of life. Play, sing loudly, lie around, dance, eat whatever you feel like eating. Feel child-like wonder again. And yup… ideally all of those at work.

I’m curious, does your brain go… “Like what???”

I say, if even the thought of going a little nuts at work seems outrageous, it’s high time you try. You might be surprise to discover that everyone benefits in the end, not just you, when you let your whole self loose.

the sensitive empath

You can read people like no one else, and it exhausts you like no one else. But that is your secret. What you do instead is to smile, function, and keep going. You brilliantly hold it together after all, what would people do without you?

You don’t think there is a way out with the weight of so many others’ well-being on your shoulders. You do have the capacity to carry them after all – all you need is your peace and quiet often enough to recharge, so you can pick you responsibilities back up, when it all starts anew on the next day. (Moms, I see you!!)

I call that resignation. Here’s how: It may make you feel good, because you are needed. You may do a lot of work to expand your capacity, and especially because you are gifted, it’s huge. People do rely on you a great deal, it’s not just imagined!

However, weirdly, being resigned can make you feel good, too. It’s called empowered resignation: You don’t think you have a choice and this is the defining factor of resignation. No choice = Resignation to how things “just are”.

In truth, even empaths and highly sensitive people can learn to set boundaries and regulate themselves in a way that allows them to thrive, because they stop letting everyone and everything in all the time. However, it often means to say no to real scary things. Number one? The people you love. A lot. And in your head, their rejection is a really big deal. So is their suffering that you might cause when you say no – whether it’s real or not. I propose a different possibility: You setting healthy, clean and well communicated boundaries leaves everyone better off. It is a process to embrace this possibility though, because I suspect right now it’s pretty black & white in your head and you cannot necessarily yet see how to do the boundary setting well.

“I’m all of them but none of them really”

Ok, so here’s the thing: Minds are complex and gifted* people’s minds are extra complex. I am confident: You will discover aspects of yourself in all four types. You will find countless reasons of why just a part of something applies, maybe not quite, and you could try the practice, but with x number of modifications. Nuance, nuance, nuance.

I hear you ♥️AND: I’m not saying that to discount nuance. In fact it’s detrimental if you try to ignore it. (I have tried). What you need is someone willing to take you up on the nuance and help you navigate what you can do with it, where to expand and accept it, build on it… and where it might gets you and keeps you from moving forward. Keep in mind that most people feel quite comfortable in boxes. The fact that you don’t doesn’t make you less worthy, you may just need a bit more support to grow into your own grace and potential. ❤️

*If you struggle with the idea of being gifted: most and especially people who are not primarily intellectually gifted, but have a broader kind of intelligence have a hard time to call themselves gifted. One that includes stuff like intuition or empathy or the physical. They may flow into each other, creating an intricate yet somehow “unobtrusive” net. It defines who you are yet doesn’t turn you into some sort of nerd or genius. All these to say: if that’s you, you may be gifted and just didn’t (fully) know it.

the nervous system calming practice

Essentially, you can’t do this often enough as it will help you to rewire your brain away from your standard strategies that may well be really good ones, but we tend to treat those as a “one size fits all” without thinking much. If you take your time to open back up to other possibilities, you will be suprised to see what’s possible.

So whenever you try something new and risky, don’t forget to go through this small mental exercise to be upfront with your fears instead of having them linger as something unpredictable lurking in the shadows:

Imagine taking a small-yet-courageous step, and what you fear the most actually came to happen. (NOT the worst possible outcome if you went all out: Just referring to a small step forward here).
What would it be and feel like? Don’t go too deep! Just feel into it and where it sits in your body. (E.g. a knot in your stomach, or your shoulders roll in, or you ball your hands).

Then, take a deep, deep breath and as you breathe out, counter the movement that is associated with your fear. (e.g. soften your abs, roll your shoulders back, spread your hands). Do this a few times and notice any shifts when you think about this small step.

next steps

Here are the next steps you can take after the quiz:

1. Download and use the “no guide”, which you will get automatically after you finished the quiz and submitted your e-mail.
2. If you really liked the nervous system practice, and would like much more quick yet profound brain change and tools, look into the change work intensive
3. Book a 30min virtual tea with me to get some clarifications, normalising (within the non-normal) and a personalised ideal-next-step recommendation.
4. Get my most amazing (as of now) freebie and book the leader genius call 🔥
5. Especially if you have a leadership position, but also if you lead people, kids or other creatures, have a look at the self-guided no bs leadership course. It’s mostly executive examples currently, but the principles are easily applicable to all kinds of leading others. Either way, it’s an incredible foundational framework for you to 10x your leadership.
6. Read more on my blog or instagram.