You don’t rest because you *choose* being fast – it’s simply more rewarding than rest. You *know* you need slowness, yet you choose the rush: The moment you get gripped by the excitement of getting shit done, and rest goes forgotten – every single time.
Always on, always stressed – yet you cannot stop.
You constantly chase something in the hopes of finding rest, a sense of inner calm… But the chase itself makes finding that ever more elusive. Like when you crash after a 50hour work week, cancel on your friends, resolve to switch off emails after 6pm. You follow through because that’s who you are, and it brings reprieve for a moment. Yet two weeks later you’re back in the same spot: Overloaded, crashing (even with the emails off!), and once again seeking the cure.
You are convinced, if you just found THE fix you’d finally get to live the life you want. And you have been dedicated to that fix! Meditation, bubble baths, time offline, time away … But nothing has ever brought you more than glimpses of the evasive missing piece.
How can it be SO HARD to just slow the fuck down?
in truth, you love being fast.
Being fast isn’t inherently bad. It’s highly useful for yourself, and society reveres it. Fast track a career, you’re celebrated. Solve a problem quickly, you’re recognised. Make strong choices on the fly, you’re considered for leadership. Speed delivers what you want, literally faster.
Speed has greatly benefitted you your entire life. You are so used to it giving you the good things, that you have a deep, unconscious preference for the fast lane. Let’s check: Do you reply to messages and emails the moment you get them, no matter what you were doing? Do you rest physically, but inwardly already plan your next moves? Do you cram your schedule knowing you’ll get it done?
From getting more done to being incredibly capable – it’s all there at your fingertips. Why would you slow down and lean into rest – doing nothing, or doing things very slowly? Can you name strong reasons that really resonate? Also, while you conceptually know you need rest, what kicks in in the moment is always the most automatic, most often rewarded habit. Got time at your hands, open to do items on the list, and some (nervous) energy? Hell yeah!
Choosing the speedy thing is effortless, because it’s what you know and do multiple times every day. Like when you feel this physical pull to jump up and clean up your flat. If it’s done today, you’re freed up tomorrow, aren’t you? In comparison, letting the dirty dishes rot = having more work tomorrow because they’re dried up PLUS having to low-level think about them all day feels like a much higher risk*.
*Take note here: Even if the risk is objectively low – it will feel like one to your peace nonetheless. The wrong turn happens here: You think clearing the list will bring you peace, but it leads to more action and then, down the line, the peace is effectively less.
your expectations of rest are skewed
In a system where “more” and “faster” are revered, rest becomes this elusive thing that you don’t know “how to do” and you develop wrong expectations. You think rest and slowing down should feel good – instantly. But they don’t! All that energy you habitually exert won’t just go away. Instead it makes you nervous, brings up anxiety and makes you feel guilty. All of that, you’d rather override with more action.
What’s the anxiety about? Slowing down gives you the space to feel the feelings and think the thoughts you usually push aside. If you have unprocessed grief, it will hit you the moment you unplug for long enough. Then, there’s the added layer of literally being unproductive while you rest, which can bring a sense of guilt. You *could* make yourself useful after all, so why don’t you?
So all of these – deeply entrenched habits, pushing away feelings, nervous energy, wanting to be useful – are things you have to face and process to experience true slowness and rest. You cannot recharge if you let them zap you out of rest all the time – and they’re not trivial, small things.
embrace the discomfort, step by step
There’s no way around it: To experience more slowness, you must make the uncomfortable choice in the moment. You must be willing to feel the feelings you normally run from, and you must to do so beyond your familiar threshold. This is literally unfamiliar territory that will make you feel out of your depth. To walk through it, you need two things: 1) tiny steps and 2) understanding that this is harder than meets the eye.
For example: You jump up and do something as soon as you feel “sufficiently energised”. Practice hanging out for a while longer. Accept this won’t feel the way you want it to right away. Extend that threshold slowly. Don’t add other situations to practice for a couple of weeks at least. If it feels like a drag, this is a good sign! Yes, it should (literally) be this slow.
Both, finding the right step width and having the empathy for yourself aren’t easy things. You will do well for a bit, fall back and likely question why you can’t nail such a “simple thing”. This is why habit changes like these are best done with someone’s hand on your back. Check out Change Work Intensive for exactly that loving yet firm hand, and/or hear more about your brilliant, super fast mind and its workings in the free audio masterclass (sign up below!)
